Dear Miss Pearl,
I got two brothers and a sister and I am the youngest. I graduated from high school last year and I am going to community college so, I still live with my mom and dad. Everyone else is out on their own cause they cant stand my dad because he cheated on our mother and beat her up a couple of times.
I can usually tell when my dad is messing around on my mom because he starts staying out late and starts an argument with her about nothing. He asked me the other day why I am a “mama’s boy” because I worry about my mama. He actually told me that if I don’t start showing him that I’m getting pu$$y, that he will put me out because he is starting to think I’m a “fag”.
Miss Pearl, I’m not gay, but I don’t want to be like my dad and be disrespectful to women like he is to my mother and I don’t trust him around girls, he is embarrassing and he thinks that he can get any woman and would definitely try to holler at her. (Thats why my uncles don’t mess with him).
I have a girl, but I don’t want her around him because I have seen what he has done to my brothers girlfriends.
How can I make him leave me alone and stop telling the family that he thinks that he raised one “punk”?
Is there any way that you can afford to get your own apartment, or get a roommate to move out on your own?
Your father is one of those ignorant black men who contributes absolutely nothing to the African American community other than leave a legacy of ignorance and irresponsibility. In other words, your daddy ain’t $hit, probably ain’t gon’ never be $hit, and I’d suggest you get the hell out of his house so that you don’t have to spend too much more of the time you should be spending concentrating on your studies worrying about this $hit!
How sad, and utterly disgusting is it for a man to go around town spreading rumors that his own son is gay simply because he doesn’t bring women around him? As you suggested, I think he wants you to bring a woman around for his own voyeuristic needs! Your daddy is a sick bastard and I want to whoop his a$$ myself, so I can imagine what you’re going through!
I know that you’re concerned about your mother, but she has made her choice and that choice is to remain with your father so, if she wants to stay in an abusive, controlling relationship with a man who disrespects her and her children… let her have it – you can’t spend the rest of your life trying to “protect” someone who doesn’t appear to want your protection.
If this were the 50’s, I’d totally understand why a woman would remain in a relationship with a man who beats her and is a total dictator, but this is a new day. She don’t need to be there, she’s there because she wants to be. Don’t you waste any more of your life being miserable with her!
If you can’t afford to live alone, or don’t know anyone you can room with, call your siblings and ask if you can come and stay with one of them until you get on your feet – I’m sure they have a clear understanding of why you have a desire to get out of there.